หาเรื่องมาหัวเราะกันหน่อยน่า นะ !

[khesorn mueller]

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was. In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” the man said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same with us, the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

At a Catholic school, there was a "meet the teacher" open house for the 2nd graders. After the meeting, a Nun announced that there would be a small reception afterwards in the cafeteria. All the children and parents filed in, and saw on a table a plate of apples, a plate of cookies, and some water bottles and juice. As the children went through the line, one boy saw that there was a sign on the plate of apples that said, "Take only one. God is watching." So, the boy took an apple and moved on to the cookies. He helped himself, and then took a small piece of paper, and wrote: "Take all you want”. God is watching the apples."


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Did you know the most difficult job in the US Military is being a Navy Pilot?
I guess it is really hard to make the boats fly!


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

One day Little Jonnie says to his father:
I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johnny: Yes...Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my Mother?
Johnny: Why not? You married my mother


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

What time does the library open? The voice on the phone asked. “Nine A.M.” came the reply. And what is the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask such a question? Asked the librarian “Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice. “No, not till nine A.M..!” the librarian said, “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?” “Who said I wanted to get in? The man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.
“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”


nn.

[Jiab16]

Those four letter words !

พี่ชรินทร์ 07 ... ส่งมา

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, " How was the honeymoon ? "
" Oh, mama, " she replied, " the honeymoon was wonderful ! So romantic ... "

Suddenly she burst out crying. " But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language ... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words ! You've got to come get me and take me home .... Please mama ! "
" Sarah, Sarah, " her mother said, " calm down ! Tell me, what could be so awful ? What 4-letter words ? "
" Please don't make me tell you, mama, " wept the daughter, " I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful ! Come get me, please ! "
" Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset .... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words ! "
Still sobbing, the bride said, " Oh, mama ... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK ... ! "

[khesorn mueller]

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she’s to skinny. After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.” sure son" the father replied, drooling. “We’ll take her home and eat your mother!"

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong. She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." she asked him "if I died tomorrow would you get remarried?" he said "sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely." then she asked "well would you two live in this house?" he replied "sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage." she asked again, angry now "well would she sleep in this bed?" he snickered and said "yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it." she asked irately, "well would she use my golf clubs?" he replied with a straight, serious face "no. She's left handed."


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads:

Dear love,
Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you.

Love,
Me.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.
She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful.
Did I really make it to heaven?"
To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love.L-o-v-e."
St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.
"I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?"
St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her loser husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"
To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Cemetery
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"
The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"


nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"

nn.

[Jiab16]

Golfer

พูลศรี Algaier - ครุ 16 ... ส่งมา

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on : neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, " This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this ? "

The husband thought for a moment and replied, ..." Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf. "

[Jiab16]

มุกตลก ... ของพระมหาสมปอง

นุชน้อย - อักษร ... ส่งมา

ก็พวกญาติๆ โยมๆ ช่วยกันเล่านั่นแหล่ะ

เรื่องที่ 1

วันหนึ่งระหว่างที่อาตมากำลังฉันเพลอยู่ ก็มีโยมท่านหนึ่งโทร.มา
" พระอาจารย์เหรอคะ นี่อาตมาเองนะคะ "
" หา อะไรนะ "
" พระอาจารย์เหรอคะ นี่อาตมาเองค่ะ "
" ถ้าโยมแทนตัวว่าอาตมา แล้วอาตมาจะแทนตัวอาตมาว่าอะไรล่ะ "
" อ๋อ ขอโทษค่ะ "

หลังจากนั้นก็คุยธุระกันจนจบ อาตมาก็กล่าวว่า
" เจริญพร "
" ค่ะ เจริญพรเช่นกัน " ... แน่ะ มีอวยพรให้พระด้วย

เรื่องที่ 2 ถวายสังฆทาน

พระบวชใหม่ ... ด้วยความที่ยังจำบทสวดต่างๆ ไม่ค่อยคล่องนัก จึงหยิบหนังสือขึ้นมาดู
" ไม่ต้องค่ะ " โยมผู้หญิงคนนั้นกล่าวอย่างหนักแน่นตามสไตล์สาวมั่น " ดิฉันท่องได้ค่ะ เพราะคุณยายพาเข้าวัดตั้งแต่เด็กๆ " เธอพนมมือขึ้น ก่อนกล่าวว่า
" อิมานิ มะยัง ภันเต สะปะริวารานิ คิกขุ สังโฆ " ( ที่ถูกต้อง จะต้องเป็น ภิกขุ สังโฆ ) พระบวชใหม่มีสีหน้างุนงง ก่อนหันมาถามอาตมา
" คิกขุสังโฆ นี่มันฟังทะแม่งๆ นะหลวงพี่ " อาตมาเกรงว่าโยมผู้นั้นจะหน้าแตก ก็เลยตอบไปว่า
" คิกขุ แปลว่า น่ารัก สังโฆ แปลว่า สงฆ์ คิกขุสังโฆ ก็คือ แด่พระสงฆ์ผู้น่ารัก " ... เท่านั้นแหละ พระใหม่รูปนั้นนั่งยืดทั้งวันเลย

เรื่องที่ 3

ก็มีบางกรณี ที่การพูดผิดของคุณโยมทำให้อาตมาแทบจะสำลัก อย่างเมื่อเร็วๆ นี้ มีโยมท่านหนึ่งโทรศัพท์มา
" หลวงพี่ขา ขอเรียนเชิญนิมนต์ค่ะ "
" ไปไหนล่ะโยม "
" ไปมรณภาพที่บ้านน่ะค่ะ " ... โห ! นิมนต์พระไปตายถึงที่บ้านเลย อาตมาจึงบอกไปว่า ถ้านิมนต์ไปงานศพไปให้ได้ แต่ถ้าเชิญไปมรณภาพนี่ ช่วงนี้อาตมาไม่ว่างจริงๆ ขอตัวเถอะนะโยม

เรื่องที่ 4

พอเจอพระออกบิณฑบาต
" แม่ๆ พระมาขอข้าว "
" มาเยอะไหมลูก "
" มา 2 อัน " ... โห ! เรียกอย่างกับชิ้นส่วนรถยนต์ นี่ถ้ามาเยอะๆ มิต้องเรียกเป็น " ฝูง " เลยเหรอ

ดังนั้นเวลาไปบรรยายธรรมะให้นักเรียนฟัง อาตมาจะนำเรื่องนี้ไปสอดแทรกเพื่อสอนเด็กๆ ด้วย
" ถ้าพระกิน เรียกว่า ฉัน "
" พระนอน เรียกว่า จำวัด " ( บางคนเรียก" ขี้เกียจ " ... เป็นพระ จะนอนไม่ได้ )
" พระป่วย เรียกว่า อาพาธ "
" พระตาย เรียกว่า มรณภาพ " ( ไม่ใช่เรียกป่อเต็กตึ๊งนะ )
" แล้วพระอาบน้ำล่ะ เรียกว่าอะไรเอ่ย " คราวนี้อาตมาถามให้เด็กๆ ตอบบ้าง
" เรียกคนมาดู " ... จบกัน

[Jiab16]

6 most handsome men in the world

พี่ชรินทร์ 07 ... ส่งมา

Most handsome Saudi man ... the grandson of King Faisal




Most handsome Indian man ... actor




Most handsome Pakistany man ... actor




Most handsome Turkish man ... singer




Most handsome Emeriti man ... Sheikh Mohammeds son Hamdan ( Fazza )



Most handsome Sri Lankan man ...

Guess who ......

after a Toku Therapy ... Local Dutugamunu