หาเรื่องมาหัวเราะกันหน่อยน่า นะ !

[khesorn mueller]

Sensitive Men    
 
 Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?

They already have boyfriends.
 
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Blond Father    
 
 A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Have a break!
nn

[Jiab16]

Age

มนูญ - วิศวะ 16 ... ส่งมา

An elderly gentleman ... had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
 
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, " Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again. " The gentleman replied, " Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times ! " ... will = พินัยกรรม นะจ๊ะ


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: " Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel ? "
Slim says, " I feel just like a newborn baby. "
" Really ! ?  Like a newborn baby ! ? "
" Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants. "


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, " Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly. "
The other man said, " What is the name of the restaurant ? "
The first man thought and thought and finally said, " What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love ? You know ... The one that's red and has thorns. "
" Do you mean a rose ? "
" Yes, that's the one, " replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, " Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night ? "


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."



" รักของเราไม่เก่าเลย " ... คุณตา คุณยาย ชาวเมือง Brugge, ประเทศ Belgium, จูงมือกันมาเดินเล่นที่สวนสาธารณะ   ยิ้ม ม ม ม ให้นักท่องเที่ยวต่างชาติ-เจี๊ยบ-ถ่ายรูป ( ประกอบเรื่อง )

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. " Want anything while I'm in the kitchen ? " he asks.
" Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ? "
" Sure. "
" Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it ? " she asks.
" No, I can remember it. "
" Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it ? "
He says, " I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. "
" I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down ? " she asks.
Irritated, he says, " I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake ! "
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
" Where's my toast ? "

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, " Windy, isn't it ? "
Second one says, " No, it's Thursday ! "
Third one says, " So am I. Let's go get a beer. "


A man was telling his neighbor, " I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect. "
" Really, " answered the neighbor . " What kind is it ? "
" Twelve thirty . "

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, " You're really doing great, aren't you ? "
Morris replied, " Just doing what you said, Doc: ' Get a hot mamma and be cheerful. "
The doctor said, " I didn't say that. I said, ' You've got a heart murmur; be careful. "

One more . . . !
 
 
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool ... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, " Crushed nuts ? "
" No, " he replied, " Arthritis. "

[Jiab16]

Your Laugh of the Day

Emile Hitijahubessy sent me, from Netherland

To all of us ‘ oldies ’ who sometimes feel technology is getting ahead of us – enjoy!

( โอ๊ย !  อิฉันน่ะ  ไม่อยากจะอ่านข้อความที่ป็น capital letter ล้วนๆ เล้ย ... แต่ถ้าจะให้ลงทุนพิมพ์เองใหม่หมดทั้งเรื่อง  อิฉันก็ขอยกธงขาวนะคะ  แต่ความที่อยากจะรู้ว่า  เรื่องขำขันของฝรั่งนี่  มันจะขำขนาดไหนว้า ?  ก็จำต้องยอมอ่านจนจบล่ะค่ะ ... ha  ha  ha ! )

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED  IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE  YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

" THAT WAS MY PAGER " SHE SAID. " I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. "

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED,

" THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND. "

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH.

NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN  FINALLY SAID ....... " WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ... I'M GETTING A FAX " ! !

อ่านจบแล้ว  ใครนึกมุกที่เด็ดกว่านี้ได้อีก  ก็เล่าให้ฟังมั่งนะคะ ... คนไทย creative ออก !

เจี๊ยบอ่านแล้ว  ขำแล้ว   แต่นึกอยากแทนคำว่า " The older woman "  ด้วยคำว่า " The elder " จังเลย ... ฮึ !  อึดอัด  ขัดใจ  อยากจะแก้ wording ของฝรั่งซะอีกแน่ะ !

[khesorn mueller]

Cute!
nn.

[Jiab16]

NN ... This song matches to these Christmas Markets from many cities in your country. It's my special intention for you na ja.

Erfurt


Meissen


Amorbach


Leipzig


Rostock 1


Rostock 2


I visited the real places of Rostock and Erfurt already. Wow ! ... so wonderful to see them in Christmas Event like this.

Erfurt : Dom mit Severikirche

[Jiab16]

Free Tickets to the Olympics

พูลศรี  Algaier - ครุ 16 ... ส่งมา

WIN 2 TICKETS ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA.
                       
                        To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to:

                        International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland.
                       
                        1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
                        2. Which ones are male twins?
                        3. Which ones are the female twins?
                        4. How many women are in the group?
                        5. Which one is the teacher?
                       
                        Good Luck!



I guess you are not going either.

[khesorn mueller]

P.Jiab ka,
yesterday I would like to talk to the conductor of music club and ask"may I have all songs in english name ,please"...but I was getting drunk before...there are a lot of beautiful Weihnacht song..I can't find it by ijigg...I need an english name and the singer....
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Free ticket to Olympic??
oh,man!...they look all the same---really!
weiii....they shoudl marry other species so that the looking would change!!
some twin inside??
oh,I need an eye glasses...I can't orientate myself to their eyes!!
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

modern Christmas song ka P.Jiab ka.
nn

[Jiab16]

NN ... Thanks a lot. ... Let's continue with some jokes, followings :

พี่ชรินทร์ 07 ... ส่งมา

NEED TO CRY OUT LOUD

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. " May we see the new baby ? " one of them  asked.
" Not yet, " said the mother. " I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first. "

Another half hour passed before another relative asked, " May we see the new baby now ? "
" No, not yet, " said the mother.

A while later and again the guests asked, " May we see the baby now ? "
" No, not yet, " replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, " Well, when can we see the baby ? "
" When it cries ! " she told them.
" When it cries ? " they gasped. " Why do we have to wait until it cries ? "
" Because, I forgot where I put it. "
 
**************

The Nun Decorators

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, " Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. "
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door.
 
They ask, " Who is it ? "
" Blind man ! "

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, " He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt. " They let him in.

The man walks in, does a double take, and says, " Where do you want me to hang the blinds ? "

[khesorn mueller]

P.Jiab ka,
oh,nice..early in the morning...(10.34 am!!)to laugh!!
let me share...today I need to do scanning project...a hundred of pictures....it will be a long day for me...
thnak you ka..
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Working On The Fourth Husband    
 
     A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
 
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Two Things In The Air    
 
What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
Her feet!

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

A little bit late..but within the season!

A little boy wrote to Santa ...    
 
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."  

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Microsoft and a Halter Top    
 
What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!
 
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

The Love Dress    
 
     A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law says, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven't made love in a long time.”

So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.”

She goes home to find her husband is not in, so she gets undressed. Two hours go by and finally she hears her husband's car. He walks in the front door and says, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm wearing my love dress,” says the wife.

“Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”

nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Talk Dirty to Me    
 
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
 
nn.

[khesorn mueller]

Happy New Year naka...
see you next year!
I gonna go now..
nn.

[Jiab16]

Beautiful and Stupid

พี่ตี่-วิวิธ  ดวงรัตน์ - วิศวะ 07 ... ส่งมา




A man said to his wife one day,
" I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "

The wife responded, " Allow me to explain.
 
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you ! "

[Jiab16]

The fastest

พี่วิวิธ  ดวงรัตน์ - วิศวะ 07 ... ส่งมา

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
 
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
 
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked:
 
    " What is the fastest thing you know of ? "
 
 Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,
 
 " A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of. "
 
    " That's very good ! " replied the interviewer.
 
    " And now you sir ? " he asked the second man.
 
    " Hmm....let me see. A blink!  It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of. "
 
    " Excellent ! " said the interviewer. " The blink of an eye ... that's  a very popular click for speed. "
 
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
 
    " Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.  TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of. "
 
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. " It's hard to beat the speed of light " he said.
 
Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
 
    " It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA. "
 
    " WHAT ! ? " said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
 
    " Oh I can explain. " said the fourth man.
 
    " You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had  already sh*t in my pants ! "
 
HE GOT THE JOB ..........

[khesorn mueller]

P.Jiab,
it's true..how many times we have to "hand wash" our pant??!!!
oh,what a combination of food we got!!!
nn.

[Jiab16]

:lol:  NN ... จ้ะ  จ้ะ  จ้ะ  ภาษาอิสานเขาเรียกว่า " กินสำมะปิ๊ "  แปลว่า  กินมันสารพัดอย่าง ... ถึงได้ท้องเสีย ไง !  แต่ joke เรื่องนี้เค้าให้ขำตรงที่  เจ้าอาการท้องเสียเนี่ย  มันรวดเร็วซะยิ่งกว่า " เราจะคาดคิด  จะกระพริบตา  จะเปิดสวิทช์ไฟ  ซะอีก "  ... ขำป่าวเนี่ย ? ... คนเอามาเล่าต่อ  ขำแล้ว  ก็คิดต่ออีกว่า ... เออ นอะ   คนเรานี่ก็ช่างคิด  ช่าง create เรื่องขำ ๆ  เด็ดๆ มาเล่ากันจั๊ง !

[khesorn mueller]

Smoking in the Rain    
 
     Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."
   
 
   
nn.